


Trying to Be Your Brother

by whydoiwritethis



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bi Rich Goranski, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Michael Mell, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Pan Jake Dillinger, Panromatic Evan Hansen, Past Child Abuse, Step-Brothers, Step-siblings, Trans Michael Mell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-01-26 12:26:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12557356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whydoiwritethis/pseuds/whydoiwritethis
Summary: Neither Jeremy or Evan expected their parent to get remarried, or that they would have to learn to be brothers. Evan wasn't ready for anymore change. For the first time in his life he had friends, he had a boyfriend. He didn't hate himself anymore. And even if Mr. & Mrs. Murphy were against them, at least things finally seemed to be looking up.Jeremy's managed to have friends, not just friends, but popular ones. And Michael's back. And best of all he's got the girl of his dreams. But is this what he wants.The Hansen and Heere families have a lot of crazy in their lives, but things seem to finally be getting normal.For now.





	1. HELLO

So you're about to read a fanfic I wrote instead of sleeping. I'll try to post as often as possible, but I sadly have a life.   
So here's what you can expect from this fic without giving away to much of the plot:

FLASHBACKS  
-To Connor and Evan becoming friends, and eventually dating(Since in present time they are a couple)

-To Evan's Dad, who's a pretty bad guy

-To small Jeremy and Michael

-To Michael before he came out as trans and gay

-To during Squip Stuff Jeremy and Michael

PLATONIC SHIPS

-Connor and Michael

-Michael and Christine (Because they would be great friends)

-Jared and Christine

-Jared and Michael

-Chloe and Brooke and Zoe and Alana

-Alana and Michael

-Mrs. Hansen and Michael

-AND OF COURSE JEREMY AND EVAN BEING REALLY GOOD BROTHERS

 

THINGS I WANT TO DO (Tell me if I should use them)

-I needed away to dig deeper into Jared's character and have him be less of an asshole so i decided that during a lot of the musical plot stuff he was squipped

-Michael usually likes to be in the crew of shows, but christine convinces him to be in the cast, and he's so good jeremy gets a little jealous

-Christine breaks up with Jeremy because 1) she's aro ace 2) She sees his love for Michael

-Jeremy goes to Evan for help while questioning his sexuality

-Michael will stay at Jeremy's whenever he's on his period, and Jeremy tries to make him as happy and as comfortable as possible, because he's a great friend/boyfriend

-Heidi and Michael both keep lots of baby pictures on their phones (Heidi has evan's and Michael has jeremy's) And they love to look at them together and Connor things Evan dressed as the lorax is the cutest thing ever

 

So Thank you for reading this. wish me luck in my writing. Comment if you have anything you want me to include. Thanks!


	2. First Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Jeremy stress about meeting eachother

Jeremy

 

I rubbed my eyes trying to erase the nervous thoughts skipping around in my brain. I haven't had so many conflicting voices in my head since the squip. I feel one small tear slip from under my eyes. It runs down my cheek leaving a sticky slime trial, and lands on my sleeve, leaving a small wet mark. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” Michael says. He smiles, and his familiar brown eyes lock on mine. They're warm and bright, comforting, just like always. He gently wipes away my tears, His fingertips just barely touching my skin. A feeling of warmth settles over me. That's what Michael can always do for me. Make me feel safe. 

“It's just, so much you know?” I say, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “First this whole crazy thing with the squips, and now this, my dad, my lazy never puts pants on dad getting married. And me having a step brother.” I throw my hands up. And curl into myself again crying. If anyone from school saw me like this, or Christine, my wonderful girlfriend, who I have a fragile relationship that I don't need ruined by me crying like a baby.  
So there's Michael, my best friend, and honorary brother. Who I can rely on. 

“Just tell me the whole story one more time.” Michael asks. I get my voice under control. I lean back into my chair, I watch him fiddle with the controller.

“So I walk into to the kitchen, and my dad tells me to sit down. And he tells me him and his girlfriend, fiancé, I guess, her names Heidi, who lives in the next town over, are getting married. This is a woman who I've met maybe five times. And she has a son, my step brother to be. And We’re all going to live together. And I'm supposed to go and get to know them tomorrow.” Michael ran his fingers through his hair.  
“Ummm…….er…..um…..do you know how long they've been dating?”  
“Uh...a year and a half, maybe.”  
“What's the son’s name?”  
“Evan.”  
“Last name?”  
“Hansen.”  
“Evan Hansen. Maybe I could do a little research. Find out who he is?”  
“I don't know, I don't really want my step brother finding out my best friend internet stalked him.”  
“But my job it is.” Michael said in a yoda impression. I laughed. That's what Michael’s superpower was he always knew how to make me laugh. He smiles at me.  
“There you go! don't be worried. You'll be fine.”  
“Thanks Michael.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Connor

 

“I-I Just don-don’t know W-What I-I’m gonna d-do? I-I mean I’ve m -met him-one-once. It’s gon-gonna b-be l-like when the pizza guy shows up!”  
“What?”  
“You know when the pizza guy shows up and you have to sit there while he makes change, and it’s so awkward, cuz you have to think of something to say, even though neither of you want to talk to each other. “  
“Oh, wait is he the pizza guy?”  
“NO! At least I don’t think so. What if he is the pizza guy, then we’ll always have to buy from where ever he works and if I’m-”  
“Your mom isn’t marrying the pizza guy.”  
“Sorry, I’m just nervous. I can’t be a brother! Big brother’s are supposed to be able to help the siblings out. My step siblings live several states away and I haven’t seen them in three years! I’ll be living with this kid! What if he hates me? What if he thinks I’m weird? Connor what to I do? I can’t be like you? I don’t know how to be apart of family a big family? With a sibling and a dad? It’s alway been me and mom, ever since I was seven!” he buried his face in my chest. I held him. I could feel his tears stain my shirt. I stroke his hair, and gently kiss the top of his head.  
“You’re going to be a better brother than I am. Your kind and you care about everyone. You’ll be the best brother that kid could hope for. Zoe always says you're like the good older brother she never had.” I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Zoe had said that to me when she was angry. When I had messed up, again. 

“But what if they’re homophobic? What if they don’t like me and you?” My heart sunk. We didn’t need anymore homophobia. I had been too scared to tell my parents. I just didn’t know how they’d react. They weren’t as unconditionally accepting and loving as Heidi. Evan already was stressed enough keeping our relationship secret. From my parents. From the other kids at school. Everyone except Zoe and his mom. 

“Then they’re not worth knowing. Your mom, from what I’ve seen will do anything to make sure you’re safe and happy. She will make sure you are comfortable with your new family members. If you aren’t safe, she’ll do anything she can to save you. Just like with your dad.” The thought of Evan’s Dad made me want to punch something, practically his dad’s face. But it’s not like I could magically pop over to Colorado, punch him, and come back. If I could, I would. Evan stood up, then flopped at the ground a little bit away from the shade of the tree.  
“It’s just so weird. I just can't picture my mom married. Or me having a brother. Or having a Dad again.” I went over a laid in the grass next to him. Resting my hand on his. I stare up into the bright blue sky above the apple orchard. With the big puffy clouds it looked like it had been drawn with oil pastels. The bushy white clouds like cotton balls in a child's art project. 

“Sometimes all we can do is adjust.” I say looking up into the clouds. I turn my head and his gray blue eyes meet mine. “I’ll be here for you. No matter what.”  
We sat there for a while just letting the sun beat down on our faces.  
“I love you, Connor.”  
“Love you too, Ev.”

Hedei

I sat across from Evan. He had a far off look in his eyes. What can I do to get through to you? I was nervous. Evan had met Paul before, but he would be meeting Jeremy too. Maybe we should’ve let the boys get to know each other before we announced the marriage. Or maybe that wouldn’t have helped. I just felt terrible springing this on Evan. He had trouble with new people. It wasn’t going to help that I was introducing him to two total strangers and going “Here’s(No pun intended) your new family!” I tapped my fingers nervously on the table. I knew Evan would like them, I knew he wanted me to be happy, he would always be fine with me working extra shifts, taking more classes, being away from him more and more. He was fine with it. But this was big. Making him move. Making him be an older brother. 

I could tell Evan was holding back anger. He was angry I was making him do this. But he hid it in his nerves. He bit his nails. And there was a thin line of sweat on his forehead. He jumped when the doorbell rang. I stood up excited and rushed to the door.   
In front of me stood Paul and Jeremy Heere. 

______________________________________________________________________  
Evan

In the past hour I had bitten my fingernails to tiny stubs. I had spent the whole morning thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong. They're going to hate you, just another person you're a burden too. The doorbell rings. I flinch so much I smack my knees under the table.   
I follow Mom to the door like a lost puppy. My heart clenched with fear as she opened the door. Behind the door stood a bald guy with a curly beard, and strange looking circular glasses. Behind him was a boy, maybe fourteen or fifteen. With curly dirty blonde hair swept to the side, sort of the same color as mine.  
“Hey, guys, come on in.” Mom says, in greeting. She ushers us into our little living room. We all sit awkwardly. My mom and Paul on the couch, and me and Paul’s son on separate armchairs. There was an awkward pause. Oh no. Was I supposed to say something? Was I supposed to tell them about me? What was I supposed to do? Did they already hate me for not saying anything? What if I’d already ruined this family? That wasn’t possibly was it? I started to shake a bit. Mom noticed.   
“I’m so excited that we could all finally meet.” She said.  
“I’m sorry we sort of sprung this on you guys.” Paul said.   
“Evan this is Jeremy. Jeremy this is Evan.” Mom said. Jeremy gave me a small smile and a little wave. I copy with the same greeting. The adults looked between the two boys.  
“How about we got set up lunch and let the boys talk.” Paul said. Mom nodded and followed Paul out the door. I took a shaky breath. Paul was a good guy. He wouldn’t be like my dad. I looked and Jeremy. His eyes flitted around the room. I bit my lip. I was supposed to say something. What was I supposed to say? Or was he supposed to talk first? Or did he not want to talk at all? Was he angry at me? What did I do? Did his dad tell him something bad about me? Was he going to talk? Or was i supposed too?   
“Umm………So you’re Evan.” He said, it wasn’t harsh, at least I didn’t think it was. He said it more like he was consoling himself.  
“Yup, Evan that’s me.” I said, I let out a nervous laugh. “And your Jeremy. Which you know obviously.” I shakily laughed,again, but it turned into a cough. “S-Sorry, I-I bad at Th-this.” Jeremy returned an awkward smile.   
“I’m not very good either.” he said rubbing the back of his neck. “So...uh...Evan…..are you…..uh…..what do you…...uh….like to do?” Jeremy said, not really knowing what to say either. I had to say something that wasn't stupid.   
“I like going to apple orchard with my b-” I caught myself on the word ‘boyfriend’ “be-best f-friend. And….um….hanging out with my…..friends? And trees.” I gulped. “T-that came out wrong, it’s not that I hang out with trees. I don't mean they're like also my friends, I mean I love trees, but it's not like I sit around in the woods and talk to them. I have friends that aren't trees, I like trees, I love trees, but they're not my friends.” I gave a shaky laugh-cough thing. He did respond for a second. He thinks I'm weird. He doesn't want to have a crazy tree obsessed brother. He doesn't want a brother at all. He d- “w-what about you?” I said, interrupting my train of thought. 

“I like playing video games with my best friend, Michael. I like spending time with my girlfriend.” I made a mental note that he had a girlfriend, and a best friend named Michael. “I have more friends than last year, when it was just me and Michael. So hanging out with the whole group is something I'm getting used to.”

“Yeah, umm….I’m h-having t-the s-same thing getting used to a new group, well getting used to being in a group.” I added. Jeremy nodded.   
“Um…….so…...sorry if this is awkward it’s just kind of a crazy situation. I never really thought my dad would get remarried. I mean I only met Heidi a few times.”   
“Sorry.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“About this being awkward and you not knowing my mom very well, and not really knowing her. And never meeting me. It’s my fault, probably-”

“No it’s not. Our parents are the ones who decided not to tell us.” Jeremy said. I recoiled a little. Did he not like my mom? But I knew it was my fault that we hadn’t met. If I was normal. With a girlfriend. Without Anxiety. Not scared that anyone my mom dates will be like my dad. And then there was the incident with the tree last year. I stopped thinking about that. I had promised myself not to think about it, ever. He seemed to realize his words came out a little bit too harsh. “You know? It’s just I didn’t really expect any of this.” I nodded. Jeremy tried again to start a conversation. I felt bad for being so useless when it comes to conversation. 

“so do you like video games?” Jeremy asked.  
“I mean, yeah, but I don't really get to play them that often, or ever really, my friend, family friend, Jared he has a lot of video games, but he doesn’t want me to play them, because I’m really bad, and my hands slip, probably because I get nervous thinking that I'm going to be bad, then my hands get sweaty and then I think about them being sweaty and that's makes them more sweaty, and yeah.” I realized I had said this all in one breath. Jeremy blinked a few times. “Sorry, that's weird, I'm sorry.” I say rushing my words cursing myself for rambling.  
“No it’s fine, but I gotta teach how to play video games. Everybody’s bad at first failing is half the fun.” Jeremy said with a smile. I didn't really know how failing could be fun, all I ever do is fail.   
“Um..I don’t-”  
“Boys, lunch is ready!” Heidi called. We made our way to the kitchen. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
I didn’t know what I had expected from My Step Brother To Be. Well I guess I did. I thought he would be cool, and would teach me how to be cool. And would take me to parties. And would be on the football team. But that wasn’t Evan. Evan seemed anxious the whole conversation. And what kind of friend doesn't let you play video games? We sat around the hansen’s kitchen table. Heidi had made spaghetti and meatballs. Which was great since dad was usually too lazy or incapable( I wasn't sure which) to make a decent meal.  
“So Jeremy” Heidi said with a smile, “Are you excited for the school year?”   
“I guess. Junior year. I just hope things will be a little calmer this year.”   
“I-I agree.” Evan said. Then looked down at his feet avoiding eye contact.   
“What about you Evan?” Dad asked, “senior year. Have you looked at any colleges. Any ideas about what you might be interested in?” Evan’s eyes lit up.  
“I want to be a dendrologist. Um.. that's a person who studies trees. Or maybe a botanist because then I”d get to work with all sorts of plants.”  
“Evan worked at the local nature preserve last summer.” Heidi added smiling at her son.  
“Why not this summer too?” Dad asked. Evan swallowed his face turned very flushed.   
“I-I F-fell out of a T-tr-tree.” He said, he rubbed the back,of his neck and gave a forced laugh, “was stupid of me I guess.” Evan cleared his throat, and glanced at his mom. For help maybe?  
“What have you done this summer, Jeremy?” Heidi said with a smile. Evan’s shoulders relaxed a bit. I thought. Not much to be honest. I pretty much just hung out with Michael and managed not to screw up my relationship with Christine. So I told her that.   
“Whose Christine?” She asked teasingly. I smiled. It was fun to think about Christine who I had had a crush on forever. And finally got her to go on a date and the end of last year. She had even got me to enjoy musical theatre.   
“Christine is my girlfriend. She's really sweet. She loves musical theatre. And whenever she talks about it her eyes light up and she can talk about it for hours.” Heidi smiled.  
“She sounds lovely.”   
“What about you Evan, do you have a girlfriend?” My dad asked playfully raising his eyebrows. Evan choked on his food. His face went completely red.   
“N-No I don't.” Evan said. What was up with him? Was he just nervous? Everything be said just seemed to freak him out.   
“Why not? You're-” dad started.  
“Does anyone want seconds?” Heidi interrupted.  
“Yes please.” I said. I shot my dad a drop it look, but I'm not sure he got the message. Dad can be pretty dense sometimes. Heidi went into the kitchen.  
Evan kept his eyes on his plate.   
“Sorry.” Dad said, “I didn’t mean to-”  
“I-It’s fine. It’s my fault. I take things way too seriously. I’m really bad at talking to people. I know that’s really weird, I’m sorry. And this isn’t making it any better. It’s just getting more awkward. Which is not either of your fault it’s my fault. Cuz I’m so bad at talking like I said earlier. And am now just repeating myself. I’m sorry.” Evan said this all in one breath, I had no idea how that was possible, but he did it anyway.”   
“No need to apologize, it was my fault.”  
“Sorry.” He shook his head, realizing he had just apologized for apologizing, “Sorry.” He said a again. Then gave a nervous laugh again. I exchange a quick look with my dad.  
“So does anyone have any funny stories?” I asked trying to start a conversation, that wouldn’t freak anyone out. There was a pause.   
“Yes, actually.” he rubbed the back of his neck. “So umm….I told Jeremy about my friend Jared.”  
“The one who won’t let you play video games?”  
“Well. yeah. He’s not like that anymore. We used to be forced family friends, but now we’re actually friends. It’s along story. So one day we, my group of friends, we’re all at the Murphy’s house, that's my bo-best friend’s, Connor’s house, and we get this call from one of Zoe's, that's his sister, friends who works at the mall. And so apparently Jared got apprehended by mall security. So we go to the mall to go get him. And the security guard tells us, he was just sitting in the Lush Store eating bath bombs.”   
I start laughing. I was picturing some guy sitting in the giant stack of bath bombs and eating them like chocolates on Valentine's Day.  
“He got arrested for eating bathbombs?!” I sputter, trying not to keel back over into laughter.  
“Well, not arrested, but he’s now banned from the Lush Store.” Evan smiles. He looks pretty relieved that he made us laugh. Dad has a confused expression on his face.  
“Did he get sick or anything? I mean like aren’t bath bombs meant to make your bath turn colors and stuff.” Dad said scratching his head.  
“Nope, Jared has a crazy powerful immune system.” Evan says with a laugh, a real one, not a nervous one.   
“So does my friend Michael, he can drink three to four slushies, and then devour sushi and not even get a stomach ache!” 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
Heidi

When I come back in the room I’m relieved to find the boys laughing. Evan had seemed to be on the urge of an attack, but he looked fine now. I hoped he was fine. He didn’t like to talk about his arm. I wasn’t sure why, he had met Connor because Connor signed his cast. Maybe that was why. He has avoided talking about Connor to Jeremy and Paul. Evan was always wary talking about Connor. After my ex husband, I wasn’t surprised………………………  
I shook off the thought. Paul was different. I could tell. I knew. The boys erupted in another burst of laughter. My boys. Evan, Paul, and Jeremy. I could already see us as a family.


	3. The Boy From the Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the summer before junior year. Connor's first meeting with Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in so long. A lots been going on, but I finally got the chance to finish this chapter, and post it. Thanks for all the positive feedback.

“OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR, ZOE. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” I screamed. I pounded on the door over and over. What was I doing? I didn’t want to hurt Zoe? I want to scream at myself to stop. It was like I was watching myself. I wasn’t really in my body. I wasn’t in control. I couldn’t get myself to stop though. “I'M GOING TO KILL YOU” I screamed, my voice sounded like a monsters horse, but harsh, at so loud, and angry. Who was yelling? I knew it was me, but why? I didn't want to kill Zoe. I wanted to kill myself, not her. She had done nothing. I was the one who couldn't do anything right. I was the one who was crazy. I was the one who was so messed up, he needed to be sent to special camps. Who had to talk to therapists. Who sunk out of his window every night. Who threatened to kill his sister because he could figure out how to just die already. That was me. That is me. I hear a sob from the other side of the door. Zoe was crying.   
What the is wrong with me?  
I stumbled away from the door.   
“I'm sorry.” I whispered before stumbling away from the door. I grabbed my head trying to hold back the rage.

 

The next thing I knew I was in the woods. It wasn't like I'd blacked out. There was a hazy blurry feeling of having walked here, but nothing clear. The rage had left me. I had been returned to my body, I had more control. 

I looked around me. Tall trees surrounded me. Some were tall oak or pine trees, but most were apple trees. The smell of fall creeps into my nostrils. I remember this place. Mom used to take us all on picnics in the orchard. Back when are family wasn’t so messed up we hand to be forced to spend time together. 

Why did I go here?   
Why did I do anything?  
Why can’t i just fucking die already?  
I tare through my pockets, but find I have nothing to smoke.   
I want the blurry haze back.  
I want to stop having to think.  
To just stop.

THUNK   
I see the branches of a tree shaking as if something had torn through them.  
What was that  
“Ooww.” Something groans. I sprint towards the noise. I’m not really sure why. It could be a wild animal or a deranged serial killer.   
Whatever.

I almost step on it. A human shape lies at the base of a tree, groaning. I come to a skidding stop trying to avoid trampling the shape

“Sh-Ohmygod.” I kneel down next to the shape. “Are you alive?”  
Wow. Very good Connor. You’re so good at this helping people thing.   
“Ow.” It groaned again. And then it sort of rolled, so it’s face was visible. Something about the boy’s face was familiar. He was probably about my age, he was probably in my grade. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. It’s not like there’s a wikihow page on what to do when a guy falls out of the tree when you blacked out and ended up in the woods. “Mom?” It asked it’s voice whiny and broken.   
“Uh...no...It’s….um...Connor Murphy.”  
“Murphy?” The figure asked, rolling over in pain again.  
“uh...Yeah.” I looked at his arm. That was definitely not the way it was supposed to look.  
”Look, dude, we need to get you to a hospital. I think you broke your arm. And might have a concussion. What happened?”  
“Fell.” he said gesturing with his good arm up at the tree. “Dizzy. Spinning. Weeee.” they boy giggled.   
He definitely had hit his head pretty hard.   
“Okay buddy, we should get you to the hospital.” I say. He doesn’t respond. I pick him up. I carry him bridal style. I start to carve my way through fallen twigs, and broken down leaves. I stumble with his added weight, trying to keep my thoughts fixed on getting him out. We come out of the woods into the parking lot. My cars there.  
I drove here?  
How am I alive?  
How is everyone else on the rode alive?  
Why am I so stupid. 

I dump him in the passages seat, hoping he doesn't hit his arm on something. I start the car and try to breathe. I steady my shaking hands.  
Just focus on the road, Connor.   
I drive threw the familiar town where I've lived my whole life. And wished i could be anywhere but here. The city maybe. Where the whole place was too big for everyone to know me. Too big for rumors to spread. Too big to care when I'm gone. That would make it easier.   
I pull in front of the emergency room. I've been there a lot. For me and for Zoe. But my parents have always been the ones telling the people who I am and why I there.   
He seems more awake now I start to help him in. He's looking around in confusion, looking at me and squinting. I sit him down on a chair when we get to the waiting room.  
“Okay, buddy, just wait here.” I mutter setting him down. I head to the front desk.  
“Name of patient?” The lady asks. She's clearly not passionate about her job because she looks like she might kill me for bothering her.  
“I'm not sure, I found him in the woods, I think he fell out of a tree, he hasn’t said much, I think he hit his head.”   
The lady raises her eyebrows at me.  
“Is this a prank, young man?”

Is she serious   
“No ma'am, he's right there.” I say pointing at him in the chair. She nods, turns and picks up a phone she says something into it. She gives me a lazy gesture like, wait over there. I sit next to the boy. And then I think of something. I'm so stupid I didn't think of it before. I reach into his sweatshirt pocket and pull out his wallet. I flip through it. A few crumpled dollar bills. More coupons than any teenage boy should have. And, finally, a student ID. The photo is of the boy, with an awkward smile on his face. The name Evan Hansen. And, oh, shit. He goes to the same school as me. He's a probably going to be a junior when school starts again, just like me. I must have seen him before. He's probably heard all the stories about me. He'll just now get to tell his own.   
“Connor Murphy drove me to the emergency room, after I fell out of a tree. He found me in the woods because he just likes to stroll in the woods after he gets high and tries to kill his sister.”  
But why was he in a tree?  
A doctor comes out.   
“Is this him?” He asks the woman. She nods. Then he turns to me.  
“You found him in the woods? You're not sure who he is?”   
“I just found his wallet, he's either a pickpocket or his name's Evan Hansen.” I say, handing him the smooth leather wallet.   
“You think he fell and hit his head. Has he said anything?”  
“Yeah, just after I found him, but nothing since.”  
The doctor mutters under his breath.   
“Help me get him back.”   
I help the doctor move him into the back area. And then I'm rushed back out into the waiting room.   
\------------------  
I sit in the waiting room for awhile. I'm not sure why I stay, it might just be because I can't face being home again. But if I stay I'll have to talk to the kid. He'll probably thank me for finding him, I'll just have to hope he won't ask me why I was there. I see the door open. A boy steps out. The doctor next to him gestures to me  
“That's the one who saved you.” He says, I give a small wave. He raises his hand, like hi, turning pink. 

“Thanks for…..ummmm…..finding me….and stuff.” He says rubbing the back of his neck. “I'm Evan Hansen, by the way.”  
Does he recognize me? Who am I kidding, why would he know what I look like. No one in town remembers me, other than the kid who threw a printer at his teacher.

“I know I saw your student ID in your wallet.” I say. Oh. Well that was a great first impression make it sound like you pick pocketed the guy. He opens his mouth to say something. “I’m Connor by the way.”white cast   
He nods awkwardly, and hugs itches his arm, which is now wrapped up in a clean white cast.   
“So...um th-th-thanks for, f-finding me.” He says looking at his feet.   
“You’re welcome I guess, although it was kind of random. If I had walked faster you would have fallen on me.” He makes a small chuckling sound. Then looks up, a sheepish grin on his face.   
“S-sorry I’m not very good at talking to people. i dont really know what i'm supposed to say, probably why i don't have many friends, or any friends at all, sorry I didn't mean for that to sound so pathetic, there sorry.”  
“It's fine. I don't have many friends either.” I pick up a sharpie from the front desk. I grab his arm with the cast. He flinches. He tightens up. He bits his lip.  
“Dude, calm down I'm not going to kill you.” He nods, But doesn't relax, I guess he isn't one for touching. Or maybe he's heard of me from school, and is just pretending to be nice. I write my name in big letters.   
“There.” I say capping the pen and returning it to the desk. “Now we can both pretend to have friends.”


	4. The Future Home of The Hansen-Heeres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hansens and Heeres go to see they're new house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in forever. This chapter kind of a filler chapter so I got bored and it took me forever to right. I'll try my best to post more often. Some really cool crazy stuff to come. ALSO 102 KUDOS OH MY GODS! And 926 something hits AHHHHHHH!!!!! Thank you guys so much!! If anyone has any ideas, or things they want to see, comment, I love to hear you feedback. (Also sorry the following chapter is a sorry, unedited, failure)

“COME ON JEREMY LETS GO!!!!”” My dad calls up the stair.   
“Coming!” I yell back, I scavenge around on the floor to finds pair of socks. They don't match in length one has polka dots and the others striped, but whatever, they're in my shoes anyway. Michael’s worn mismatched socks ever since he read Gooney Bird Greene in second grade, then again Michael’s, Michael. I hurry down the stairs, shove my shoes in, and run down the driveway to the car, shoelaces flopping after me, my heels slipping out of the sneakers.   
I ride shotgun next to my dad. I've never had to fight for the passenger seat, only two people, and one was always behind the wheel. Until the day dad tried to teach me how to drive in the parking lot in the fall, when the pool it was for had closed. I didn't succeed. I opted to take drivers ed at school instead.   
“Where's the house again.”   
“Two blocks from the rec center. You guys will be able to walk there. You could try waking up early, and maybe going to work at the gym, build up some muscle.” I rolled my eyes.   
“Back at you.” He smirked, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.   
We were going to meet up with Heidi and Evan to go see the house dad and Heidi had bought. Our house. The residence of the Hansen Heere’s.   
I watched the ground go racing by, this was insane. Everything was going so fast, the rode, my dad and Heidi, my new stepbrother. Just one thing at a time. Pick a tree or a house or a street sign, keep your eyes on it, and watch it go zooming past,then pick another. Baby steps.   
We pulled into the Hansens driveway. Their house was a bit smaller than ours, actually a lot smaller, but cleaner than ours, which was covered in dust and dirty laundry, or at least it had been until we started getting ready to sell it.   
I hop out of the car.   
Evan's outside already when we get there, he's on the phone, I strain my ears to hear what he's saying as I approach, maybe not the kindest thing, but I can't help hearing and being curious.   
"I gotta go they're, here." He says. He laughs at something the voice on the other end says. "Be nice." He says suppressing the laugh. The voice on the other end says something, he smiles, his ears turning pink. "I know." And then something I don't expect, "love you too."   
And he said he didn't have a girlfriend. He tucked his phone into his pocket. He gave a grin and waved at us as we approached. Evan opened the door to the house.   
"Mom they're here!"   
Heidi rushed out of the house to greet us.   
"Jeremy, Paul!" She called, opening her arms for a hug. My dad laughed a kissed her on the cheek.   
"Long time no see." He chuckled. Which was meant to be funny since we had spent everyday of the past week with the Hansen's. Heidi rubs her hand together.  
"So are you two excited to see the house!" Evan nods.   
"I'm jealous you and Paul have already gotten to see it." I noted he's not stuttering. He's not tripping over his words. He's seems a little bit comfortable. I nod along.   
"Well what are we waiting for?" Heidi said. We were ushered back into the car, dad behind the wheel, Heidi riding shotgun, Evan and me in the back.   
Dad and Heidi tittered about how we were going to love the house. Evan looked out the window, his hand playing with something in his pocket.   
We pulled up, in front of a big brick house, with white siding, and a picket fence.   
We all got out of the car and stood by a woman with brown curls, and bright eyes, our realtor, I guessed.   
"What do you think?" Heidi asked. It was very quaint, it had this strange vibe of being very familiar.  
"It's very...." I trailed off search for the right word.  
"S-suburbany?" Evan suggested . Heidi laughed, throwing her arm around Evan.   
"Sweetheart, I don't think that was an adjective, but I'll take it as a compliment."  
The realtor gave a light chuckle.   
"Well, how about we take a look at the inside, and look it up later if suburbany is an adjective." We followed her up the stone path that cut through the freshly manicured lawn. She opened the door giving us a view of the entry way.   
"I'll wait out here, and you guys can give your sons the tour." The realtor said.   
"Thank you." Paul said.   
Heidi showed us around the house. The kitchen/dining room/sitting area took up most of the downstairs. I was glad to see their was a basement. Not like Michael's but still, awesome.   
Upstairs she shows us an office like space at the top of the stairs (complete with a window seat)   
Then me and Evan's room. I have to admit I wasn't totally sold on sharing a room with Evan. I'd never shared a room, and I like personal space. It's a big room though. We'll just have to split it in half.   
Evan squirms through the entire tour of the house. I thought he'd be looking around in awe, trying to absorb ever detail of the place. Evan looks like he's trying to forget he's here. He keeps putting on a really forced smile when Heidi turns to look at him. But Heidi's no fool.   
"Paul why don't you go show Jeremy the backyard. I want to show Evan something cool."   
Dad nods. "C’mon, jer." He leads me down the stairs. When we reach the landing dad's phone rings.   
"I have to take this, it's about the wedding." I stare up the stairs, wondering what's wrong with Evan. 

....................  
Evan's trying not to lose it. I learned a lot last year, and I realized I wasn't being there enough for him. I lost sight of how much he was hurting, and how much I was supposed to do to help. He stared up at the ceiling. Breathing. In five. Out seven.  
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I know it's a lot at once I'm sorry." He keeps breathing. I whisper keeping my voice as low as possible. "I'm sorry I through you in to meeting them so fast, and the wedding, and the house, between everything that's going on with Connor's family."   
He looks at me now. He has my eyes. Shifting between blue and green.   
"I'm so scared, mom." He says. He's trying not to cry. "It looks like it." He says, very quietly. And I realize what he's talking about. The house. It looks like the old house, just a bit. The one with his dad, and all the bad memories.   
"Oh sweetheart." I pull him into a hug. "It's not going to be like that, Jeremy and Paul are good people." He doesn't answer.  
"We can make this house something that one never was. Full of laughter. Full of color." He nodds carefully.   
"How do we tell Jeremy.....about...a-about e-everything?" I sigh.  
"That's up to you, honey. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Your safety is my job. Okay?"   
He nods.   
"Do you want to finish the tour or go home, we totally can if your not up for it."  
He shakes his head.   
"No, I-it's fine, I'll be fine." 

……………….  
In a car racing down a paved road, sits four people. Two boys in the back, cooking up a crazy plan to paint their room with splatter paint. Two adults in the front laughing. Just another family racing along the roads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone have any trigger warnings you want me to put in the description?


	5. The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to Evan's early childhood. TRIGGER WARNING child abuse, DWI, substance abuse problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes me sad and my friend yelled at me for writing it, sorry. ALSO see you didn't wait a month between publishing the next chapter, good job, self.

In a car racing down a paved road, sits four people. Two boys in the back, cooking up a crazy plan to paint their room with splatter paint. Two adults in the front laughing. Just another family racing along the roads. 

 

The man approached the small house. He staggered on his way up the driveway, he paused for a moment at the door, trying to find his keys. And then a few long moments more getting it in the lock. He opened the door. Letting light out on to the porch. The man staggered through the door, throwing his jacket towards the coat hanger. He grunted as he stumbled around the house, bumping into furniture. He crashed onto the couch, and layed there staring up into the dark ceiling, rubbing his temples. A little boy crept down the stairs, clutching a baby doll.  
A small head peered around the wall, into the dark room where the man lay. And the small voice called out.  
"Daddy?" The sound was just above a whisper, but in the empty house, it was loud as gunfire.   
The man looked up at the little boy. He grunted.  
"Where's your mother?" He asks, his words slurring together.   
"She's at work. You came home so she left. And I went upstairs to go grab baby jack, and when I came back you were gone. Where'd you go daddy? Mommy told me you were supposed to watch me tonight."   
The man let out a hysteric, evil chuckle. The little boy winced and clutched the doll to his chest.   
"That blasted women has no control over nothing, I don't care what she says, she can't make me do anything." The little boy could hardly understand his words, because they slurred together so bad. He glanced over at the boy.  
"Put that stupid thing down." The man snapped. The little boy clutched the doll closer, scared by the intensity of his words. "I said put that thing down." His voice was a low quiet whisper, a warning sign. The little boy didn't move. The man lurched up. "I SAID PUT IT DOWN" he shirked. The little boy backed up tripping over his own feet, tiny tears starting to run down his freckled cheeks.   
The man roared in a burst of rage. He grabbed a bottle a hurled it toward the little boy, it barely missed him. The glass shattered on the wall, and they boy shrieked, dropping the doll. The man stalked towards him.   
"GOOD YOU PUT IT DOWN! WAS THAT SO HARD." Tears spilled out of the little boys eyes. The man grabbed his shoulders and began shaking him. "WAS THAT SO HAARD? WAS IT? WAS IT?" The little boy couldn't answer, couldn't break free. The man tossed him aside, and the little boy landed on the floor. He hit his elbow on the floor, and head straight into the wall, he started to cry harder. The man kept shouting the little boy didn't know what the man was saying anymore. He just curled into a ball, plugging his ears, gently rocking back and forth.   
Back and forth.  
Back and forth.  
Back and forth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be longer and less sad.


End file.
